Can You Spell S-T-R-E-S-S ?
The brain holds the mental blueprint for our personality. When part of it malfunctions effects are like ripples in a stream . Most people are aware that when the brain suffers a stroke both body and personality could be affected. The person may have to relearn walking, talking, reading. Maybe, likewise, some small blood clot, mini-stroke, or lack of nutrient causes PPG . I can't think of any injury or causal incident in my case, however my mother related that in infancy I would cry so intensely that I would turn blue and stop breathing , (depriving oxygen to the growing brain). It used
to really frighten her. But, of course, there is no definitive way to establish the origin in my case, nor often in others so affected .
PPG is a perplexing and energy draining malady. Failure in the 'sorting-out-who-is-who' task has caused me a great deal of anxiety affected every facet of my life, molded much of my personality, and undoubtedly helped to make me into the introverted , near socially phobic and apprehensive person I am today.
Mostly I rely on 'bluff' to get through most days when I need to be up and about. Initially, the bluff is 'act friendly to everyone' so people won't suspect I'm at a loss for identification. In the meantime my mind is racing a mile a minute trying to put together the puzzle of the person's identity.
I might go through this socially stressed situation countless of times daily . You may expect that I should just 'relax' and the identity would come to me, or 'just relax' even when I know I am failing to identify someone, but it seems my brain doesn't know how to shut down and keeps creating what I call a 'mindblock'. The human brain struggles to create order out of chaos. And my brain wants to establish the identity of this person , it's just not sure how to go about doing it. I can't seem to relax until I find out who I am talking to, even if it is generally hopeless.
It's akin to those particular times when you spot someone you know fairly well and just can't seem to recall his/her name. Even as you carry on a friendly conversation half of your brain is frantically busy trying to dredge up the lost name from the cobwebbed corners of your memory. You can't focus on simply relaxing within your encounter as you are carrying on several simultaneous mental tasks. One= Bluffing (pretending you actually remember this person's name so they don't catch on). Two=Mindscanning (searching you brain for the name) Three=Earscanning (searching the conversation for clues) Four=Experiencing (carrying on the encounter, conversing ) Five=Planning an exit (trying to free yourself from an uncomfortable situation). Most of this is done at a conscious level, but even at the subconscious it leaves you uneasy, often keeps you thinking and searching your mind. Hours later your mind is still working on that task until 'aha' ! Once you get the name your mind shifts back into neutral , your energies are freed, mindblocks are gone.
It's All My Fault, Probably
Most of us with PPG used to be secretive about our condition. I know I was . I was ashamed , embarrassed, and denied the severity of my problem. I used to think it was all my fault. I didn't consider it could be some lack of brain-wiring. Therefore I felt guilty for not remembering. Everyone else around me knew who was who, so what was wrong with me ?
I've been told I wasn't concentrating enough on remembering faces or I needed to take classes in memory or something. But I'm artistically and creatively inclined and dwell on line, form, color, shading, all aspects of visual representation. I can appreciate the beauty, balance, individuality, and proportions of a particular face at the moment I see it , but faces just don't 'stick' in my memory.
Initially I called my inability the 'poor with names, poor with faces' syndrome . . I ignored it at first because, irrespective of PPG, I always had other strong spatial skills . But It became obvious that I kept 'meeting' the same people over and over 'for the first time'. My family started to poke more and more good-natured fun at my blunders. Maybe I could be as capable as others if I tried harder . So I tried harder. That led to more frustration. Eventually I had to acknowledge I had a near-total (not just weak ) lack of memory for faces. By the time that sunk in I'd gone through thousands of embarrassing situations.
Take Two Pills And Stare At My Face
About 1996 or so, after getting a computer, I tried to think up practical things to do with this great tool. Addressing my major interpersonal problem seemed to be a good start. Not knowing if I'd find any enlightenment or any clinical term for this 'weird' enigma (or if anyone else shared this uncommon oddity) I got on the Internet and typed in these simple words :"can't remember faces", (didn't know what else to call it ). Amazingly, in a minute I found I wasn't alone after all. There were already several web pages that read just like I could have written them. That was the good news. The bad news was they stated there seems to be no cure or treatment for PPG. No pill, treatment, injection, operation.
We prosopagnosics seem to be fated to have no telethons, no charities, no heralded breakthroughs, no marathons run for our 'cure' . In fact, even as you read this, prosopagnosia is still largely unknown. I just talked with a practicing psychologist (in 2001) who had never heard of prosopagnosia . If knowledge hasn't percolated to the professions, there's little wonder the public knows less . But there are beginning efforts to get PPG researched, quantified, qualified, poked and examined. This is mainly due to robotics and efforts to 'teach' computers to recognize faces. By studying us; people who can't, scientists hope to build a model of how able people 'can', and thus how computers can eventually be taught to respond to a human face. 'Hal' is certainly not far behind.
That Elusive 'Gay Gene' ?
There is some indication that prosopagnosia is disproportionately over-represented in the gay/lesbian population . I was surprised to find that so many other prosopagnosics share this particular sexual orientation with me . Is there a connection ? Who knows ?
Maybe there is a quantifiable predisposition, a common link ,or is it so , as suggested to me, because '"Many homosexuals in the average population hide their homosexuality... people who come out about their PPG may be the same people who would also come out about things like homosexuality "..
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