I've Got A Handle On You
As stated earlier, I 'recognize' someone by using various visual 'handles' ( not usually facially related ,a 'handle' is something glaringly unusual about the person). I try to observe any uncommon and distinctive variations in body build, hair, gaze, attitude ,makeup, clothing, intelligence, conversational subjects, complexion, teeth, gait, etc. But even 'handles' are iffy. I may sometime think I have 'learned' someone's face because they always wear a particularly recognizable smile, but I am bound to lose identification of them if they are uncharacteristically sad that day. I have 'forgotten' a person who had a great hairstyle because they put on a hat. I have forgotten a grand-daughter's beautiful face because she put on a wig. I have forgotten a young neighbor because he bleached his hair. I have 'forgotten' a person if they were standing up, I had mostly seen them sitting down. I have forgotten a person in profile even though I knew who they were full face. It gets tricky depending on the 'handles'.
A pretty reliable way I sort people is by voice. In fact, I suspect, of the people I'm convinced I 'know' maybe one third are on my 'memory list' solely because of their distinctive voice .A friend may call and say one word, "hello" and chances are I would immediately 'know' who it is, and so would most people.
There are other non-facial physical characteristics such as age, location and/or the occupation of a person . Using the occupation as a clue is not without error.. if I bump into my doctor's nurse where I've never seen her before, for instance in a grocery store I run into this equation
1 familiar person
+ 1 unfamiliar location
- 1 typical uniform
= 1 total stranger.
Of course, this dilemma may also happen to others occasionally, but I won't recognize the same nurse in the doctor's office if she arrives in her street clothes to pick up her check on her day off. Or if I see a different nurse at the doctor's office I will routinely assume I am seeing the one who has always been there. So out of the 3 elements above, I only need one of them to be absent, and it's confusion time.
Another scenario, verbal cues. " Hi , I hope you liked the flowers I sent you ?" ...(well, let's see, I just received flowers and a card from Sandy, she'd heard I was sick.. "Thanks, Sandy, I loved them.." Voila ! No problemo. I tend to identify many people primarily on handy verbal cues ( unfortunately people don't always start conversations with cue lines).It may also confuse Sandy to find out that I recognized her, apparently easily, this time (she gave a cue) but when next week she sees me on the street I'd ,more likely, just look vague if her greeting gave no handy cue to her identity. Sandy might well conclude I'm stuck up, angry, mentally retarded, or the flowers wilted too fast :-(
If my neighbor calls first before arriving and says she is coming over today, I can confidently greet her at the door when she arrives, knowing that the odds of another person with her general build and coloring, age, height and similar voice arriving at my door on this particular day are slim. I'm expecting Sara, therefore, this must be Sara. But if I bump into Sara at Wal-Mart in some far away town and she is accompanied by some stranger (like one of her in-laws) and she doesn't greet me with some recognizable verbal clue ... I'm probably just going to pass by the aisle with maybe just a glance her way "hmm, that lady looks vaguely familiar", but that's all. Most of the time I don't even arrive at the 'vaguely familiar' feeling.
If an older gray-haired man walks out of the unit 3 doors away I'm fairly sure I can wave "Hi Hank" because I know Hank lives 3 doors away, I remember he is older, I instantly presume he may therefore have gray hair, and since that gentleman walked out and locked Hank's door, who else could it be but my near neighbor Hank ? This kind of elimination process handily camouflages my inability to literally recognize the person, it gives me the appearance of normality and allows me to carry on my limited social relationships.
How I Learned To Love Pierced Eyebrows
It is mostly white conservative males who all look alike to me. My nemesis = a moderately attractive, nicely featured, physically fit, indeterminate age, conventionally dressed, clean shaven, Caucasian male ( either sandy or dark straight hair) wearing a blue/black/gray generically cut suit, maybe at a business meeting attended by other normal looking clones . Or the same guy picnicking somewhere in casual jeans and T-shirt, among others dressed likewise . Overall, I think I do somewhat better at remembering women because they give me more handles. Their hair color and style is a good clue to identity. They often wear something identifiable like a piece of jewelry. They may also favor color combinations or dress styles that stand out.
On the plus side, today many people are getting more adventurous, individualistic, non-conformist in their looks, and that makes it easier for me. There's tattoos, piercings, hair extensions, bizarre make-up styles that help me sort people out. I have less trouble differentiating among 'the weird and eccentric, the odd-looking , the too-fat, the too-thin, too-tall, etc. the unattractive, the misfits' than among 'the normal, the attractive, the well-dressed, well-groomed' crowd. Generic , average, middle-aged, ordinary looking = nothing to remember.
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